


Double or Nothing

by ahsokah



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: #YOLO, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1367755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahsokah/pseuds/ahsokah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Anakin Skywalker tells the Jedi Council about his marriage to Padme Amidala. Their reaction is unexpected, to say the least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This document is literally called "omfg what did i just write (star wars)" on my computer.

**DOUBLE OR NOTHING (1/1)  
  
**

* * *

“I'm in love and married to Senator Padmé Amidala.”

The council chamber was absolutely silent after he said those words. Anakin waited with baited breath to see what the High Council would say, but he had a feeling he already knew. Guilt, uneasiness, anxiety, and sadness churned inside him in equal measure. Though he had never liked the Council or the Code, he had loved being a Jedi, and now it was going to be taken away from him.

Instinctively, Anakin's eyes turned towards Obi-Wan. He looked disappointed and sad, just as Anakin suspected he would be. That was probably the worst part. Even getting kicked out of the Jedi Order was better than disappointing the man who had been a mentor, friend, father, and brother to him.

Beside him, Ahsoka stood completely still and silent, which was unusual for his now ex-Padawan. He had disappointed her too, Anakin realized. If he left, then she would have to get a new Master, and it would take her twice as long to become a Jedi Knight. But perhaps it was for the best. Ahsoka deserved a proper teacher, one that actually followed the Code she had sworn to live her life by. One that was patient and kind, and would guide her to become a great Jedi Knight.

“I see,” Mace Windu said, finally breaking the silence. His voice trembled with barely contained rage, but he didn't say more than that. Instead, Master Windu looked around, meeting the eyes of the other, still-silent Masters.

Anakin was close to exploding out of sheer awkwardness when Yoda finally spoke. “Broken the Code, you have, young Skywalker,” he said. His face and tone, unlike Master Windu, betrayed nothing.

“I-I know.” Anakin swallowed, groping for the right words to explain what he felt. “But Masters, I-I love Padmé, and I can't live without her. I'm not sorry I broke the Code. Love is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And if you're going to expel me from the Order, then just do it.”

_It might not be so bad,_ Anakin thought optimistically. _Now I'll be able to spend more time with Padmé. Yeah. It might not be so bad._

“Anakin—” Obi-Wan began.

“I think that's enough proof,” Master Windu interrupted.

_This is it,_ Anakin thought, trying to keep himself from collapsing. _I'm so sorry, Mom, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan. I'm so sorry._

“Who was betting on Anakin and Senator Amidala?” Kit Fisto suddenly shouted.

_What?_

“I told you, I told you!” Saesee Tiin crowed. “All those times Anakin snuck out of his room to go see her was definitely _not_ for business! Who goes to talk about politics in the middle of the night anyway?”

“Damn,” Plo Koon muttered. “I thought for sure that it was Bariss Offee.”

“Why her?” Adi Gallia demanded. “Did he even talk to her _once_?”

“Masters...” Obi-Wan trailed off, watching in abject horror at what was happening. For once, the famed Negotiator was at a loss for words. “I...”

Anakin was in a similar state. “What-What bet?”

“The bet on who you married, of course.” Master Windu scoffed, as if it was common knowledge. Then he glared at Anakin, who suddenly felt as if he was twelve years old again and was being lectured (shouted at) for reprogramming the Temple droids to allow him to sneak outside at night. “You owe me fifty credits, by the way. I thought it was going to Ferus Olin.”

Anakin didn't even know how to respond to that, but apparently Shaak Ti did. She also scoffed, then said, “Please. The two of them hated each other. Hate is not the same thing as love.”

“There was always so much tension between them,” Master Windu argued. “There's no way it was all hate.”

“It was!” Anakin finally regained his voice. “I _hate_ Olin! He's a _kriffing_ , no good, son of a _koochoo_ —”

“ _Anakin_!” Obi-Wan shouted. It seemed that even in the craziest Council meeting he had ever been in, Obi-Wan could still snap into “lecture” mode at any given time. “ _Language_! Your Padawan is _right beside you_!”

One could practically hear the italics.

“Sorry, Master,” Anakin muttered, not sorry at all. Then he turned to Ahsoka, who had yet to say anything. “Sorry you had to hear that, Snips.”

Ahsoka shrugged. “I've heard you say worse.” Then her face darkened and she glared at her Master. Anakin expected her to scream at him, ask him why he never trusted her enough to tell her, or to punch him in the face, rank be damned. His legs even tensed, prepared in case Ahsoka aimed lower. Instead, she shouted, “I should have _known_! I never should have picked Obi-Wan!”

Anakin choked, his eyes widening. “Snips, what...”

His Padawan continued as if he hadn't spoken. “I mean, there were so many signs! Those excuses you always gave to go Senator Amidala's apartment alone were so bad too! _Senator Amidala asked me to take a look at her garbage disposal. Senator Amidala asked me to become her life guru._ I really should have known!”

“I-I...” Anakin didn't usually stammer, but apparently, today was the day everyone decided to go crazy. “I never said _life guru_ , I said _she asked me to teach her meditation_!”

“Would anyone ask _you_ to do either?” Ahsoka gave him a deadpan stare that was shockingly similar to his old Master's. For a minute, Anakin wondered if she had been taking lessons from Obi-Wan. His mind conjured a picture of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka standing in front of mirrors, his old Master carefully instructing his current Padawan on deadpan stares and when to use them.

_No, Ahsoka,_ this _is the one you use when he's being particularly difficult._

_Like this, Master Kenobi?_

_No, there needs to be more 'Anakin, you reckless, arrogant_ idiot _' and less 'Anakin, don't you_ dare _question me.' Yes! That's perfect!_

_My face didn't change, Master._

“All fools, you are,” Yoda proclaimed. Everyone instantly stopped arguing to listen to the Grand Master's gravely voice, and Anakin breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, someone with sense would get the meeting back on track. “Obviously Obi-Wan, was it.”

Never mind.

“M-Master...” Obi-Wan looked like he was torn between throwing up and fainting. Anakin felt the same, though he was leaning towards throwing up. “I-I...”

“Am I drunk or hallucinating?” Anakin demanded to no one in particular. “Is this a dream? This has to a dream. Someone slipped something into my caf again this morning didn't they? This _cannot_ actually be happening.”

He pinched himself, but the scene in front of him didn't disappear. Somehow, this was actually happening.

Yoda's declaration had started a new and fiercer round of debate. Master Windu still seemed dead set on the fact that the tension between Anakin and Ferus meant that the two were in love (somehow). Even Piell pointed out the friendship between Tru Veld and Anakin, and how, as the first friend Anakin had made, he _had_ to have a deep connection to the Teevan, _obviously_. Shaak Ti disagreed, citing the fact that Tru had a less than favourable opinion of Anakin at the moment. Anakin was almost certain that even Yoda's  name popped up once.

“Why are they all _men_?” Anakin shouted, getting everyone's attention.

The Masters looked at him, then at each other, then back at him. Master Windu shrugged and said, “When was the last time you had a conversation with a girl other than Padmé or Ahsoka?”

Anakin was about to heatedly reply that he had _many_ conversations with _many_ different girls on a daily basis _thank you_ when he stopped and actually thought about it. When _was_ the last time he had a conversation with a girl who wasn't his mother, wife, or apprentice? The Duchess of Mandalore, perhaps...?

Around him, the debate had restarted, and Anakin wondered how the Council had enough spare time to argue and bet on his love life, which was supposed to be non-existent. Didn't planning campaigns, training younglings, and stroking their chins take up a lot of time?

“All right, enough!” Master Tiin shouted, effectively stopping the arguing. “Anakin is married to _Padmé_! Not Obi-Wan or Ferus Olin or whoever! He confirmed it himself, and was even ready to leave the Order for her! So stop being sore losers and pay up!”

“You're just saying that because you won!” one Master shouted back, though Anakin had no idea who it was.

“Right, Master Tiin is,” Yoda cut in. “Padmé Amidala won. Accept our loss gracefully, we should.”

Anakin didn't know whether to be happy or scared that the Council was no longer arguing about his marriage. Now that they weren't distracted, they would probably take away his lightsaber and strip him of his title of Jedi Knight of the Order. Anakin braced himself for the lecture and expulsion.

“We should inform the Chancellor about this,” Master Ki-Adi-Mundi said. “He'll want to know he won.”

“Wait, the _Chancellor_?” Anakin shouted in disbelief. Had he heard Master Mundi right? Was his friend and surrogate uncle also betting on his life? “He's a part of this as well?”

“Yes. So are several clones, Queen Apailana, Senators Organa and Mothma, some other Jedi Masters, and Duchess Satine Kryze,” Shaak Ti informed him. Beside her, Master Mundi was preparing to call Palpatine. “I think only Queen Apailana and Senator Mothma bet on Padmé. We'll have to contact them too.”

“I believe your astromech was also a part of this,” Kit Fisto said, still smiling cheerfully. Anakin had a feeling he had also bet on Padmé, but that was overshadowed by his shock.

“ _Artoo_?” Anakin asked, head spinning. “But he _knew_. He was at my wedding.”

“What!” If Master Windu looked angry before, he looked beyond furious now. “Fisto! You never told us that! Did the droid tell you about Skywalker and Senator Amidala's marriage? Is that how you knew!”

Kit Fisto widened his black eyes innocently. “ _What_? Of _course_ not, Master! I had no idea!”

Master Windu was about to reply when the Chancellor's flickering blue image appeared in the middle of the room, and the Korun Master had to hurry to compose himself, his face in his usual severely displeased and mildly constipated expression. Palpatine smiled serenely at the Jedi Masters around him, bowing slightly at Yoda. “Esteemed Jedi Masters. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“The Bet, Your Excellency,” Master Mundi informed him, albeit grudgingly. “You won. Skywalker _is_ married to Senator Amidala.”

“It's in capital letters too?” Anakin demanded. Everyone knew that when something was in Capital Letters, it was Serious Business. Apparently, this bet was more important than he had originally assumed.

The Chancellor turned to him in surprise. “Oh, Anakin, my boy! I didn't see you there! Why don't you come for a visit after all this is settled? I would love to manipulate—I mean, congratulate you!”

“On what?” Aankin asked, bewildered.

“Your turn to the Dark Side,” Palpatine muttered to himself. Aloud, he said, “Your latest victory of course! And your marriage! What wonderful news that was not at all expected!”

“Go, you should.” Yoda pointed his gimer stick at Anakin. “To the Chancellor as well deliver the prize money.”

“How much did everyone bet?” Master Fisto—who Anakin was beginning to suspect was the one who started the betting pool—asked.

“Twenty credits,” Plo Koon said, as serious as usual.

“Liar! It was forty!” Master Pivell shouted.

Master Koon glared at Even. “I don't think so. You're just trying to get more money. Jedi aren't greedy, you know.”

“No, it was forty,” Saesee Tiin argued. “You told me yourself.”

“Someone get the List!”

Anakin watched helplessly as the meeting descended into chaos again. Turning to Yoda, he begged, “Master, can you please tell me if I'm still in the Order or not?”

Yoda's eyes were closed and his face turned towards the ceiling, as if some divine answer was written on the insides of his eyelids. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open. “Beware the Dark Side!” Yoda shouted dramatically. “The Dark Side clouds all!”

“That's great.” Head spinning and still shocked that famous Jedi Masters were interested enough in his love life to bet on it, Anakin turned towards his old Master for support or something that was  _normal._ At this point, Anakin would be more than happy to sit through one of Obi-Wan's notoriously long lectures on "responsibility" and "ethics" and "duty" just for a small sense of normalcy, but Obi-Wan seemed to be frozen in shock. He was staring at nothing, his mouth wide open and his face devoid of all colour.

“Master?” Anakin shook Obi-Wan's shoulder, trying to wake him from his stupor. “Master? Master, come on. Obi-Wan?”

Anakin groaned when Obi-Wan failed to respond each time, still staring through Anakin as if he didn't see his old Padawan. After one more shake, Anakin gave up and turned to the room full of arguing Jedi Masters.

“Great! I think you broke Obi-Wan!”  
  


* * *

**FIN**

 

**Author's Note:**

> SEE.


End file.
